Sometimes all you need is a hug...

When you've been with someone for close to 10 years, its truly heartbreaking when they tell you they don't want to be with you anymore. At first it's like a kick in the balls, but then it turns into an empty feeling. The second part is so much worse. The pain of heartbreak is temporary, but then you start to yearn for that closeness. Holding someone's hand, getting a hug, cuddling while watching a movie. You get over the initial pain, but the emptiness fucking sucks. There is a song by Stacie Orrico, or however you spell it, and it has a lyric "there's got to be more to life then chasing down every temporary high." I've come to realize that I've been chasing that high the last couple years. Buying a bunch of crap I don't need on credit cuz I like having things, even if it means I'm in a stupid amount of debt. But recently I've really been doing it. From spending $300 at ComiCon, to spending another $200 on heroclix, and putting off bills. Some of the highs were good though. Like getting up the nerve to talk to someone in person, instead of just on Facebook. Or finding out that someone you don't get to see very often is coming to visit. But even those fade and you're left with the realization that your in a marriage that is all but over and on the brink of bankruptcy. I find it a lot easier to convey my thoughts and feelings on here or Facebook. I've never been good at talking to people, especially those I don't know well. Guys are easier to talk to, but girls are so hard for me, especially if they are attractive. But I guess that's something I'm gonna have to get over, cus I can't meet every girl online :-) Well, I could, but maybe let's try something different this time. I have found the one place I can escape all this is the gym. It's easy to just put on some music and zone out. There are still distractions, but these ones I don't mind all too much. It's funny, whenever I do one of the I always end up in a way better mood than when I started, so I guess that's good. It always makes me feel better to get my thoughts out of my head and onto something, even if no one reads it. One thing that will always remain true about me is that I love me. I love my negative, shitty attitude cuz it makes the good times seem so.much better. I love where I'm from and how I was raised. Hell, I even love that my dad left when I was young, cuz my mom prbably did a better job raising me than he ever could have. But most of all, I just love life, but sometimes I just really need a hug.